I vote Facebook over Instagram. I know that’s hopelessly uncool. In my defense, I did post two pictures on Insta before I took early retirement. But it boggles me that people have abandoned their perfectly wonderful names for squiggles and symbols. And they leave it to me to figure out who in God’s good world @yoyo$_gurt88 is.

1. Speaking of Instagram, let’s just be honest: what’s the point of hashtags? Does anyone actually know? I mean, I use them to show #Istillgotgame but the grammar Nazi in me needs punctuation. I need words that are actually separate. You know, real words.
2. I haven’t watched Game of Thrones. I don’t intend to. But, hey, #Istillgotgame
3. When I see a young lady with the end bits of her hair colored, I always think: Oh, her highlights have grown out. (Yeah, technically, I know it’s a new style. But it takes me five whole minutes to register the fact)
4. If I ever attempt posing with the hand-on-hip-and-pout-on-lips thing, I just look ridonkulous. I should never go there. Ever.
5. I’d love to travel, explore the world, scale new heights, expand my horizons and all of that jazz. But, when I plan vacations, I mostly just want to know: where’s the nearest loo?
6. Using “amaze” instead of “amazing” just sounds so wrong. Also, when people say they “killed it” I still struggle to grasp that they actually did well.
7. I make my lists on real paper. Sure, “there’s an app for that” but perfect penmanship in on ruled paper just helps me process better.
8. I lived through an era when phones couldn’t be taken into loos. Seeing people on a phone screen was the stuff of science fiction. And now you can Facetime people with a single swipe? Whaa?! (I’m assuming only pre-Millennials still say, “Whaaa??”. Also, I first learned the word “swipe” as a synonym for “steal” or “hit”)
9. I still love it when the band plays, “My God is an Awesome God” and “Shout to the Lord” at church.
10. I thought scrunchies were the fashion accessory. And then there was my black bodysuit. Essentially, a onsie for adults. (What was I thinking?!)
11. I had a hotmail account. ‘Nuff said.
12. I know the lyrics to New Kids On The Block and Roxette songs. Maybe also throw in some Wham and Boyz II Men to that mix.
13. I remember collecting Pepsi bottle caps that I could exchange for cassettes. 30 bottle caps (metal ones, the plastic ones didn’t exist) equaled one Billboard Top 10 1995.
14. I’m unashamedly a GenXer. I wish they’d thought of another name for us. But, mostly, I’m sad that no one mentions us anymore. We’re yesterday’s news. Just you wait, millennials. Just you wait!