Before we begin, some disclaimers. This is not about all international schools. Just most.

Wow, looks like I just have a mean streak in me today. So, let’s dispense with the disclaimers. And get on with the snark.

1. Firstly, whatever you plan to name your school, make sure to squeeze the word “international” between the proper noun and the common noun. Meera International School, for example, becomes a completely legit simply by the inclusion of the one single magic word. Also, the idea of possibly being an international school and not explicitly announcing that in your school name is simply absurd.
2. Secondly, it’s imperative to charge ridiculous fees. When you decide on the school fees, think of a completely preposterous amount. Then multiply by five. If there’s one hallmark of an international school that you have to meet, let it be this one.
3. Include some uber vague terms like “development fee” or something even more new age like “mindfulness fee”. No one will question you because it sounds fancy. And no one wants to act like they don’t understand fancy.
4. In your mission statement it’s absolutely crucial to include the word “holistic” (omit the letter ‘w’ in the word because you want to be more international). Also consider using the word “diverse”.
5. Construct a pond in your school grounds. Tile it with blue porcelain. Henceforth, this will be the school’s swimming pool.
6. Let all your advertising material have pictures of the said “swimming pool.” Also, tell your PR people/ ad agency to use stock images from the internet of blond children gleefully playing on slides and swings. They could possibly be kids in Amsterdam. But that’s just a minor technicality.
7. Include yoga as part of the school’s practice. If there’s one thing international about international schools, it’s got to be the ancient Indian art of yoga.
8. Apply for IGCSC certification. Don’t know what it stands for? No problem. No one really does. Just don’t confuse the IG for Indira Gandhi – that’s a whole different board. Not as much money in that one. So, stick with international. It seems easy enough.

There you go. Eight simple steps to make some money start an international school in India.