It has an uncanny knack of sneaking up on you. Like heartburn after biriyani. Father’s Day seems to pop up before you’re even done recovering Mother’s Day “brunch” (i.e. toast and OJ in bed courtesy chefs under four foot high).

Wives and kids everywhere are scrambling for last-minute gifts. Will dad end up with another well-intentioned tie?

Or can you up your game this year?

Here’s a list to help you make his day the best yet. Let’s cut to the chase, shall we?

1. Make him breakfast. Let there be bacon. Lots and lots of bacon. Watch him scarf it down with a smile on your face. Don’t let the words “high” or “cholesterol” accidentally escape your sweet smiling lips.
2.  Give him the day off from shaving. If he’s not someone who can pull off a Chris Hemsworth-like “evening shadow,” let him look like a recovering alcoholic for the day.
3. Don’t get him a tie. Or socks. Unless he’s complained about a deep burning desire for either accessory. In which case you may need to speak to his mom about possible childhood trauma.
4. Give him your non-socks/ non-tie gift and the handmade cards from the kids. Don’t expect him to “ooh,” “aah” and “aww” over them for 20 minutes. Give him 15 seconds before he moves on. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t like your gifts.
5. Don’t ask him when he’s going to fix the bathroom light or the leaky faucet. The trash can wait too.
6. Buy him a massage. Women aren’t the only ones who enjoy spas. Manicures are a no-no (Generally speaking, of course. If your man yearns for one, refer point 3 about possible childhood trauma); pedi’s are a maybe; massages – always welcome. (Tip: he prefers not to have his masseur look like Schwarzenegger’s brother.)
7. Steak. Or, if you’re on the other of the ocean, biriyani. That’s what’s for dinner. Vegetables optional (especially if potatoes fall in the vegetable category). Salad can totally be nixed.
8. Let him watch TV after dinner. Try not to send subliminal messages about which show to pick. (Hint: if he’s watching re-runs of Downton Abbey, Parenthood or This is Us, you have, in all likelihood, not tried hard enough).
9. Don’t bother with asking him what he’s thinking about. It’s almost a given that his answer is, “Nothing.” Don’t gather ammo for an argument. At least not today.

Disclaimer: Not having incorporated most of the above suggestions, I cannot personally vouch for them. Maybe one day I’ll be nice enough to try them out. Till then, ties rock!

(PS: I wrote this post a few years ago. Recycling it for Father’s Day 2020.)

Photo by Rhii Photography on Unsplash