As we compared our kids’ school calendar with my husband’s work schedule, one thing became painfully evident: we wouldn’t be able to take a family vacation for the next few months.

I could feel irritation (bordering on anger) rise inside me.

“Are you absolutely sure you can’t take a break?” I asked my husband, my voice whiny in desperation.

After all, because of our son’s exam schedule, his vacation days didn’t match our daughter’s, and our summer “break” ended up being three days out of town. I had comforted myself that even though summer plans didn’t work out, the kids’ vacations would match up in October. I pictured us on a family trip at a beach in Thailand or kayaking in Vietnam.

But then reality (or my husband’s work schedule) came knocking: vacation in October won’t be possible either.

I started “negotiations” with the hubbers.

“Combine it with a weekend; that way, you’ll only need to take three days off.”

“Why can’t you take your laptop with you?”

“At least we can go somewhere closer than we first planned.”

With each of my “creative” suggestions—okay, technically it was just thinly veiled whining—my ugly emotions grew… well…uglier. My face got flushed. My voice got shrieky. I felt like a tired, overstimulated child asking for ice cream in the middle of the night. I didn’t care that I was adding pressure to my husband’s bursting-at-the-seams schedules. My “needs” trumped his dad guilt.

But then God ever so gently revealed the condition of my heart to me.

As I pondered on my complaints, I realized that I had made it all about me. Me, Myself, and I were the protagonists of the drama I was creating.

I was looking forward to a trip.

I needed a break.

I deserved to put my feet up.

I haven’t been anywhere in so long.

And, therefore, I had the right to be upset.

The world often preaches that all those “I” statements are valid and good. Ads constantly remind you that you need to get that shiny new object or to go on that trip because “you’re worth it” or because “you deserve it.” But here’s the thing: self-absorption leaves very little room for compassion.

The opposite of love isn’t hate. The opposite of love is selfishness.

Selfishness can quickly spiral into self-pity.  And who doesn’t love a pity party? It can feel so good to validate and celebrate our icky emotions. Till it doesn’t.

Friends, Scripture reminds us that love is not self-seeking.

The Amplified Bible puts it like this:

“Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful.” (1 Corinthians 13)

I had been insisting on my own way.

I had been touchy, fretful, and resentful. (Wow, three out of three on the Amplified Bible description of what love is not).

I had allowed Instagram to dictate to me what family togetherness and fun looked like. But real love and “reel” love were two entirely different things.

In our natural state, we want to put ourselves first. But then all we have to do is glance at the Cross. Even a cursory glimpse of the Cross reminds us that True Love is never self-seeking.

Jesus poured out His life, even unto death.

He gave His life as a ransom for many.

He came to serve and not to be served.

He was never self-seeking but came to seek out the lost and the broken.

As redeemed people of God, we get to trade in our self-absorbed hearts, for God-oriented and others-focussed hearts. And we do that by humbly kneeling before the Cross.

Now, do I still want to go on that family trip? For sure. I would be certifiably crazy if I didn’t.

But I’m not as desperate to check that off our year’s to-do’s. I’ve started scoring a little lower on the Amplified Bible version of what love is not.

God uses the little things to reveal, refine, and redeem our heart attitudes. This time around, He simply taught me to say with more conviction: “Rid me of myself—I belong to You.” As I loosen the grip on my own agenda, priorities, and plans, He shows me what real love is—and what it is not.

 

---

 

If this blog resonated with you, SUBSCRIBE to my weekly newsletter for FREE so you get my posts delivered to your inbox. I would love a Facebook or Instagram follow or share if you’re on social media. Thanks a ton for stopping by!