Dear hubbers,

You’re not one for “open” letters—you’re too logical to comprehend why a letter to you would be launched in the public domain. You’re right—there is no reasonable explanation. But humor me this time, would ya? (You’ve had excellent training in that regard for the last 18 years. If I do say so myself.)

Since we’re now officially “adults,” the occasion calls for a special blog post in the guise of a letter. (I was about to say “love letter” but that sounds ridiculously archaic. Like one of those things people did decades ago. Oh, wait. We are those people. Our kids are right—we are from the “olden days.”)

But seriously babe, where have all the years gone? From being 20-something-year-olds in love, we’re now smack-dab in our middle years. Thankfully, we’re still in love, but it’s a love that is more seasoned. A love that has been stretched but has held strong—like those resistance bands you’re so familiar with thanks to physiotherapy that comes with a certain stage of life.

I have no doubt our marriage has grown stronger because it was built on the Solid Foundation of Christ. Left to our own devices, we may have snapped like a flimsy rubber band. So, today, I’m grateful for our ‘resistance band love’ that holds its shape even when yanked and pulled in different directions.

The memories and the mayhem of the last eighteen years can’t begin to be captured in one blog post. We’ve raised two tiny people to be thriving teenagers. We’ve encountered deep loss and chronic illness. We’ve navigated strained relationships and forged lifelong friendships. We’ve changed addresses, countries, jobs, and cars,  (and let’s not forget the countless diapers.) But the constant in our lives has been the Lord. Jesus has held us and holds us through it all.

If someone were to ask me the “secret” to a good marriage, I would say it’s quite simple: Marry my hubby—he’s the best.

I’m only half kidding. The truth is God blessed me with more than I can ask or imagine in giving me you.

But if someone did want my pearls of wisdom on marriage, I would say this: Let your spouse be your spouse, and let God be God.

In the early years of our marriage, I tried to make you my ‘god.’ I tried to find my worth in your eyes. I tried to find my fulfillment in our relationship. I expected you to meet my every emotional need. I expected you to provide purpose for my life. For some crazy reason, you weren’t able to deliver. Oh, wait. You were never meant to be my ‘god.’ Just my husband. A godly husband. But still just a guy. Once I got that sorted, I learned to go to God for my worth, my purpose, and my fulfillment. And from the overflow of His agape love, we were both able to pour into our family.

So that’s my little spiel for those who might want to know our “secret.” That and movie nights. When you want to fight, turn on a good movie. A few minutes into a Jason Bourne car chase and you’ll be too distracted to remember what you were so mad about in the first place. Also pro tip: add some Rocky Road ice cream to said movie night and your problems will feel almost inconsequential (emphasis on the ‘almost’).

It’s kind of worked for us, hasn’t it, husband? We can always hash things out another day. Less tired equals saner arguments.

I don’t know about the soundness of my marital advice. But here’s what I do know: I chose you eighteen years ago and I still choose you today. (Honestly, I would be crazy if I didn’t).

I really really like you. That’s all.

Yours forever

PS: We need some screen time. So stop working already.

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