You’ve probably heard of the three R’s of education: reading, writing, and arithmetic. Those three pillars form the foundation of academics for any student. But what about the three R’s which form the fundamentals of parenting?

As a mama of two teens, I don’t claim to share these three R’s from a place of having “nailed it” (or “slayed it” as the GenZ would say). Nope. Quite far from it. I share these words from a place of “I’ve messed up again, God. Show me Your way.” As I prayed those words and waited in God’s presence, here are some thoughts that He brought to mind that I hope you’ll find helpful too.

While I’m sharing here from a parent’s perspective, these three R’s apply to any area of our lives. So, what are these mystery R’s? They are: receiving, resting, and releasing. I don’t see them as a linear progression in parenting. But as interconnected actions (or maybe non-actions) that flow from and into each other.

Let’s dive a little deeper into these three words:

Receiving

As parents, and especially as moms, we often feel like we are required to give rather than receive. Receiving almost feels too selfish to be included in the three R’s of parenting. But what if receiving doesn’t stem from a place of hoarding but a posture of humility? As a mom, I know I’ve come to the end of my rope many, many times. Instead of chugging up the hill like the little engine that could, saying, “I think I can, I think I can,” what if I began from a place of receiving because “I know God can.” Friend, acknowledging your weakness could be the bravest thing you can do as a parent. 

Resting

Did I hear an almost audible smirk through the interwebs? Possibly. Resting and parenting fit together as perfectly as BBQ chicken and vegans. Especially in the early years of parenting, resting seems less likely than it raining meatballs later this evening. (Yes, food analogies are kinda my thang). But while practicing Sabbath or resting from work is important, I’m alluding to resting from control. Most of my parenting stress comes from trying to control the outcomes in my children’s lives. But God has been reminding me to rest in who He is rather than try to play “god.” Sure, I still need to roll up my sleeves and do the mundane parenting things and repeat the boring ol’ things that will be ignored. But the results? Those are in God’s hands. As a mom, I get to steward my kids, sow truths into their lives, and likely sacrifice (some of )my desires for them, but I’m not called to stage-manage the outcomes in their lives.

And that brings us to the third and last R of parenting.

Releasing

With our older kid applying for college this year, thousands and thousands of miles away from us, I think I might blog on the topic of “releasing” way more often. Another topic I’ll be sure to cover is how I’m trying to control my emotional overeating from being an almost-empty nester. (Can you tell I’m already starting to spiral?) But back to the third R—Releasing. If we truly rest in Who God is and from controlling outcomes then the only logical next step would be to release our precious littles and not-so-littles into His arms. I’m slowly realizing that releasing my kids to God is mostly about releasing my fears and anxieties to Him. And I can’t do that without knowing who God is. (I warned you the three R’s were like interconnected strands of Hakka noodles. They are hard to separate).

That takes us back to the first R—Receiving. As we take the time to gaze on the beauty of the Lord, to marvel at His character, to ponder on His love, and to behold His power, He gets bigger and bigger and we get smaller and smaller. We then posture our hearts in humility before this great, big, wonderful God and say, “Lord, I can’t do this alone. Help me to rest in You, to release my fears to You, and to receive from You. Amen.”

 

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