As I read the article, I found myself agreeing with the writer’s opinions in it. Typically, unless it is a straight-laced news piece, CNN’s writers hold vastly different views than me. But this time, I nodded along with “Amens” (just kidding) as I read the post about—weirdly enough—Halloween costumes.

Titled, “What All Those Sexy Halloween Costumes Are Doing to Kids,” the article dived into the pressure on teen girls to dress in promiscuous clothes. Because of the influence of social media, more young girls today subscribe to the idea that they need to look “hot” for Halloween so they can garner likes and follows.

The article added that it is, “important to teach kids that their confidence shouldn’t be tied to how they dress.”  It quoted a New York-based educator who says, “If a child requires a particular outfit on them in order to be confident, it means they aren’t confident.”

Yup. Agreed. 10/10 for the educator (Not that she cares about my rating. But there it is anyway.) Confidence cannot be tied to couture.

I would assume that most readers of Christian blogs aren’t running out and buying “hot” Halloween outfits so they feel confident. Yet, the truth is, the need for validation extends beyond teen girls and Halloween costumes. It extends to both genders and almost any age. It extends to the kinds of façades and performances we put on so we look important, intellectual, attractive, resourceful, powerful, put together, in control, on top of it—and the list goes on—in the eyes of others.

The CNN article proposes that young girls should find their self-worth by focusing on “other areas of their identity” like being a good student or a strong athlete or a kind friend. But here’s where I disagree with the writer: While academics, sports, and even friendships in a teen girl’s life are important, they hinge on one thing—their performance.

And here’s what we know about performance: it can crumble.

We all agree that confidence cannot be tied to couture—but neither should it be based on our capacity.

Just a few weeks ago, I confessed on this very blog about my façade of “niceness” collapsing when I unleashed some not-so-pretty perimenopausal emotions on an unsuspecting server at a restaurant. My confidence in my “kind” personality came crashing with a thud. I didn’t live up to the image I had of me. I doubt I’m alone in this. We all put on those counterfeit identities to feel valuable and validated just like a teen wearing a promiscuous Halloween costume to gain likes on social media.

But as one writer says, “Jesus is not disillusioned with you, because he never had any illusions about who you ever were in the first place.”

In Jesus, we are free from the pressure of performance. He knows exactly who we are and He loves us anyway.

As Christians who live in a time where legalism has given way to presuming on the grace of God, we tend to casually gloss over those kinds of statements.

“God loves you anyway.” Yeah, I know.

“God doesn’t need you to live up to a standard of perfection.” Sounds great.

“It’s all about grace and not good works.” Awesome. Works for me.

But can we pause and truly ponder these incredible, radical truths from the Word?

Your value and your validation come from being a child of God. It is based on Jesus’ perfect performance—not our imperfect striving. Your confidence doesn’t come from couture or your capabilities—it comes from being rooted in Christ. 

First, find your identity in Christ as His child, chosen, redeemed, and set apart by Him and for Him. It’s an identity based on a relationship that He established for you. Your performance flows from your confidence in Him—rather than your confidence flowing from your performance.

As a mom of teens, the CNN article broke my heart. But all of us, metaphorically speaking, “dress to impress” with our good works, our talents, our drive, and our personalities. May we realize that we bring absolutely nothing but our brokenness to the table. As the old hymn, Rock of Ages, goes: Naked, come to Thee for dress; Helpless, look to Thee for grace; Foul, I to the fountain fly; Wash me, Saviour, or I die!

 

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