The other day, I threw an epic fit. I let my two sort-of-stunned teenage kids “have it” for several reasons, some being legit things that needed correction and others being things that bubbled to the surface because I was having a mommy meltdown.

One of the things that I probably didn’t need to rant and rave about was the fact (or my perception of the fact) that my kids were not grateful for all the day-in-day-out stuff we do for them. The “lecture” began while we grabbed lunch at an overcrowded Taco Bell and gathered so much steam that as we crunched our way through tacos, I pretty much also chomped my kids’ heads off with my, “You guys are so ungrateful” spiel.

After we had cooled off and mama started breathing a little easier, I found that, lo and behold, my kids were saying “thank you” like 10X more than usual.

But you know what? This mama wasn’t all that thrilled with the outcome. Having just coached and cajoled (read: yelled) them into appreciation, the thank-you’s were somewhat forced. They came from a place of “she’ll get mad otherwise” rather than genuine gratitude.

If this Thanksgiving you don’t feel especially grateful, and if you’re wondering whether you should ‘fake it till you make it,’ then I have one word for you: Don’t.

Just like I could discern that my kids’ expressions of thanks were “coaxed” out of them, I have a strong feeling that God can tell when we’ve got our plastered smiles and pretend gratitude on.

If you’re in a place where you’re dealing with disappointment, or on a detour that is far from your dream, if you’re up against uncertainty, or floundering in fear, or in a seemingly endless waiting room maybe you don’t have to give thanks. At least not right away. Yes, the Bible commands us to give thanks in all circumstances and to rejoice always, but can we hold that truth together with the reality of our circumstances and first just be honest before God?

While we’re in that place of wrestling, perhaps we can ask ourselves these four questions:

1. Do I see my present circumstances as a training ground that God can use to shape me? Sometimes we expect life to be a theme park instead of a training ground. But perhaps if we understood that we’re not made for this world then we could give thanks in the midst of tough circumstances because God is readying us for where we truly belong.

2. Am I overly focused on my prayers being answered exactly the way I want, when I want? The Word of God tells us to pray continually. But sometimes instead of persevering in prayer because it builds our trust in an unfailing God, we end up trying to dictate terms to God. By all means, let us cry out to Him with the burdens that weigh us down. But let us also continue to give Him praise even in the waiting room because He is sovereign over every situation.

3. Have I bought into the “I deserve” ideology? Culture preaches a pleasant “gospel” that sweet-talks its way into our lives. It’s an ideology of me-ism. We’re told that we “deserve” the next expensive car, cosmetic, or even candy that big-name companies are selling us. And when we can’t get our hands on those things, we’re disappointed. We are unable to be grateful because we think we “deserve” the thing that we’re so sure will make us happy. Maybe this Thanksgiving, we can remind ourselves that what we truly “deserved” was the wrath of God, but instead, He has blessed us with His loving kindness and His tender mercies.

4. Am I painting my picture with brush strokes that are too broad? Sometimes, we tell ourselves a story about our lives that misses the little details. We get so wound up in self-pity or so tangled in disappointment, we completely miss the daily blessings that God sprinkles in our lives. In the midst of the paint splashes of ashen grays and somber blacks, can we see the speckles of gold? Could we take some time to notice the sparkling stars that light up the dark night sky?

Giving thanks is not always easy. But it’s possible. Because we have a God who redeems our stories and our mistakes. Your feelings are valid but they don’t have to dictate your heart posture this season.

We don’t fake it till we make it. But we fall to our knees and cry out to God till we’re able to rise up and lift our hands in praise.

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