“I have been praying for God to do His will in your situation.”

Her words should have brought me comfort. After all, she was praying for me. And praying for God’s will to unfold in my situation.

Instead, the words irritated me.

I had been praying with all my heart and soul for a breakthrough in my situation. I had been persevering in prayer almost to the point of bugging God. I had been fasting and pleading with God for a door to open that seemed firmly shut.

But her prayers for me seemed dispassionate. She had only prayed for “God’s will.”

I couldn’t easily shake off the annoyance I felt. And yet I was disappointed in myself for feeling that sense of irritation—after all, don’t I know that I can trust God’s will for my life? Don’t I need to put all my weight on His sovereignty and perfect control? Isn’t my theology robust enough to accept that this was the ‘right’ way to pray?

Over the years, depending on the denomination of church I attended, I have largely encountered two categories of prayer.

I’ve heard (and prayed) “safe” prayers, couched in the language I just described. At every interjection, the phrase, “If it’s Your will” is seamlessly inserted into the prayer. I call them “safe” prayers because it seems like we are shielding ourselves from the disappointment and disillusionment of unanswered requests. An innate defense mechanism seems to be built into those prayers. They seemed emotionless and unempathetic.

The second category? I’ve heard (and prayed) “declarative” prayers. They skirt the edge of the “name it and claim it” camp but are perhaps less boisterous and demanding. With this category, it seems that the more passionate the prayer, the greater one’s chances for an answer. We seem to put our faith more in the insistent and persistent nature of our prayers than in a God who is all-powerful.

Having gone to church all my life and experienced both ends of the prayer spectrum, I have often been confused about how I should pray. Should I dispassionately ask for God’s will to be done? Or should I plead and preserve and passionately declare God’s power to bring a breakthrough to my situation?

I don’t know if I have the perfect answer, but as I consider Jesus’ prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, I catch a stunning glimpse of how to pray.

Knowing that in a few hours, He would take on the sin, shame, guilt, and depravity of the world on His own sinless body, Jesus is greatly disturbed. He knows that, because of this darkness that was to be foisted upon Him, He will be separated from His Father. And in that time of deep agony, Jesus cries out: “May this cup be taken from me.”  (Matthew 26: 39) Not once, not twice, but the gospels record that three times Jesus prayed this prayer. His face was to the ground and His sweat was like drops of blood.

This was passionate prayer. This was persevering prayer. This was powerful prayer.

But then Jesus prays these words: “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26: 39)

Knowing His Father’s heart and trusting His Father’s plan for the redemption of the world, Jesus prayed by yielding His life and His will.

This was submissive prayer. This was obedient prayer. This was trusting prayer.

Jesus shows us that we don’t have to pray ‘either-or’ type of prayers. Instead, we can pray ‘both-and’ type of prayers.

Jesus holds the tension of both His sorrow and God’s sovereignty together. He prayed with both passion and submission. Jesus’ cries were both real and reverential.

Friend, if like me, you’re wrestling with how to pray, I encourage you to read the account of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. It is a stunning passage that teaches us the power and beauty of heartfelt prayer in a time of deep agony. It’s not our denominations that should drive our prayer lives, but our desires and sound doctrine.

May we learn to pray like Jesus. May we pray with passion and submission, with realness and reverence, expressing our hearts and trusting His.

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