Three Parenting Principles from Paul
Susan Narjala
Do you ever find yourself in instructions-only mode with your kids? I know I do. The decibel level of instruction delivery varies based on how many times I have had to repeat myself. But I tend to constantly spew out phrases like, “Make sure you brush before bed,” “Eat the broccoli on your plate,” “Stop bullying your brother,” and my absolute favorite—when I yell with unabandoned frustration: “BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.” Yeah, that one really works. Depending on the volume of said instruction, it can stun my children into silence. For five minutes. And then, inevitably, the bickering resumes.
Maybe as you read the title of this article you’re wondering how the apostle Paul can possibly help us deal with sibling squabbles. Maybe when you think about Paul and parenting, your mind automatically veers to his words in Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord..”
While that verse explicitly connects to parenting, Paul in writing to his spiritual children in different churches speaks with wisdom that we can emulate as parents.
In his letter to the church in Corinth, Paul launches into a litany of instructions. As their spiritual father, he is called to discipline the church for their lack of unity, their sexual immorality, their excuses, and their explanations. In fact, he clearly states he intends to “admonish” them as beloved children.
But here’s what Paul does first—he tells them he is grateful for them and he reminds them of who they are in Christ. In the introduction to the letter, Paul writes:
I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge— even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you— so that you are not lacking in any gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Corinthians 1: 4-9)
Paul could have taken one look at their less-than-exemplary behavior and cracked the whip straight away. But he approaches this wayward church with gentleness and love.
Here’s what we can learn as parents:
- Let your children know you’re grateful for them: In almost every letter, Paul mentions that he is grateful for the people he is writing to. You and I are blessed beyond measure with the gift of our children. Can we be intentional about simply saying to our kids: “I’m thankful for you”?
- Remind them of who they are in Christ: Our kids have a calling on their lives. They have been created by God with purpose. Perhaps our teenage children are floundering because of insecurity. Show them from the Word that, in every way, they are enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge. (1 Corinthians 1:5). In a culture where our children are told to prove themselves, may they walk in the confidence that they don’t lack any spiritual gift (1 Corinthians 1: 7) because of what Christ has done for them.
- Point them to the One who sustains them: With the tremendous pressure on them to excel at academics or sports or music (or all three), our kids can tend to run from responsibility. I don’t blame them. If I were growing up today, I would find a cozy comforter and hibernate under it for several seasons. But here’s a reminder from Paul: show them that they are not alone: Christ Jesus is the one who sustains them to the end and he is faithful (1 Corinthians 8-9).
Paul then launches into his appeal to the Corinthian church.
Paul’s letter begins with what are known as “indicatives’ in Christian theology. Imperatives essentially lay out for us the idea of who we are in Christ and how we have been enriched and equipped by him. Only after helping his readers grasp their new life in Christ, does Paul unpack the instructions—or “imperatives” in Christian theology. Imperatives outline what we are to do for God as a response to what he has done for us and in us. In his letter, we see Paul balances imperatives and indicatives with a dexterity that can only be produced by the Holy Spirit.
As parents, we ought to pay careful attention to this model in Scripture. We are to definitely bring up our children in the “instruction of the Lord.” But as part of their training, we need to constantly remind them of who they are and Whose they are. Before laying out the imperatives, may we remind them of the indicatives. May the training ground of our instructions to our children be the Solid Foundation of Jesus and all that he has done for them and in them.
