“Mammmaaaa!!!” Muffled yet distinct. It was a call for me to go downstairs. Again. Putting off thoughts of the coffee that I was DYING for, I go to where the sound comes from. The bathroom door is ajar, Sonny Boy is on the throne and claims he can’t reach the toilet paper. Somehow, the roll is sitting at the far end of the bathroom counter to where his little arms couldn’t possibly stretch.
“How on earth did the toilet paper get there?”
“I dunno,” comes the too-quick reply.
“Did you take it off the holder and throw it there?”
“Umm…yeah,” comes the slightly-guilty-but-still-enjoying-the-naughtiness voice.
Hold it together, Susan. You’ll get your coffee in a little bit.
“That’s NOT funny. Stop doing silly things and get ready for school.”
I trudge back upstairs to lay out uniforms for His Highness and Her Majesty, his sister.
“Mammmaaaa!!!” Muffled yet distinct. From the same location. Back downstairs, back to the loo.
A new scenario awaits me. There’s toilet paper EVERYWHERE. The roll is unfurled and is lying all over the floor.
“It slipped from my hand. Really.”
This time I know it’s true.
Yet, something gives.
I snap.
Yelling and tears ensue.
It’s only 7:04 in the morning and I’ve already lost it, screwed up and crushed a little of the boy’s soul.
Parenting is exhausting. It’s full of missteps. And, sometimes missteps are over toilet paper.
Kids are packed off to school. I have a few things to get checked off my list this morning: laundry, make the beds, unload the dishwasher… Thankfully, I stop. It can wait. There’s something more important than the urgent. There’s some heart business to take care of first.
I pray for forgiveness. I pray for wisdom and patience and energy in this parenting thing. I pray that He will redeem my mistakes.
And He speaks to my heart. He pours His salve on my screwedupness. He reminds me that I’m not in this alone. That my children are not mine. They are His. And I’m partnering with the Maker of the Universe to raise them. He will fill in the gaps.
So I invite Him into my routine. My irriations. My pre-coffee, mornings-with-mishaps scenarios. And He comes in and breathes His healing into my mommy heart.
